So here's what I've learned since my last blog post.... a lesson I will presumably relearn countless more times in my life. I know this because I've already learned and relearned it countless times before, and it only ever occurs to me that I've previously passed this test after I complete it, yet again. It is apparent; however, that I am accruing credits as I go, and the curriculum gets a little easier to comprehend each time. That said, graduation eludes me and it looks like i'll be a career student after all.... we can only hope. :)
Okay, so really.... here's what I've learned: [[[ Surrender and be free! ]]] I know. It's such a complex idea, isn't it? It's so complicated, it inevitably takes me days figure it out. But here's what else I've learned: When my universe is shifting toward a higher purpose, there is resistance. There always will be. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. It's called physics. (or fear or stress or a broken ankle or the flu... however you decide to label it) And because I understand this, I've learned to shift my perception to match.
Resistance is a natural part of our lives here. For example, if there was no resistance in the form of gravity we would all be able to fly around and do flips in the sky and float on a cloud, but so would our furniture and our clothes and the food on our dinner tables... and that would pretty much suck. So not only is it perfectly natural, it's also undoubtedly necessary. I've found that resistance in my own life is less about opposing forces (fear, stress, broken ankle, flu) and more about my unwillingness to cease fighting those things for whatever reason (i.e. i don't deserve it/I'm afraid to fail/etc).... and accept the gift that is my higher purpose. The circumstances and situations are not the problem. The problem is me. When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, I become willing to receive it. That simple. When I stop relying on my mind and all the crazy shit it tells me (and by "shit", i mean just that) and start trusting the divine source within, it doesn't matter if I'm scared or sick or otherwise "inhibited" because those are temporary conditions. Are they real? I believe so. They are real to me. And I've concluded that it's okay for them to be real as long as I don't use them for self-pity or manipulative endeavors. Ultimately, though, I've come to rely on the permanent nature of love, and my faith has been my most reliable conduit. As a matter of fact, each time I learn and relearn this lesson, my faith increases... making the subsequent journey increasingly more comfortable.
There are always going to be moments of self-doubt, but a little while ago, I implemented a policy in my own life that I would never pretend I'm not afraid if I am, in fact, afraid... because the surest and quickest way to get to the good stuff is in the opposite direction of the ego. If I'm pretending to be something I'm not, my ego is in charge, and the ego eats terrified little girls for breakfast, literally. If I continue to feed it, it grows bigger. But if I simply pick up the phone and call a trusted friend and say, "I'm scared." Or get out my journal and write. Or meditate..... or create something... all of which are prayers manifested. Well, then... poof! My ego has lost it's greatest source of energy because I have consciously made a decision to move away from it.
All my life i sought relief for my constant state of fear. Today, I know that everything i ever needed, I had inside of me all along . And quite possibly, the best news of all is that today... i know where i keep it.
SO... this week, I made some choices... and this week I overcame some challenges. I am happy to report, I'm back on the side of love. And as predicted, I am more grateful than ever. My motivation has returned. I am channeling my inspiration, and there is certainly no shortage of beauty in my world... the very same world I was living in a few days ago, just a different point of view.
A friend sent me a quote today by Kurt Vonnegut, and it goes like this , "Go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art., no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."
Holy crap, this resonates so deeply with me. Everyone is looking for salvation. There is no safe haven more reliable than the space inside each of us where creativity lives. The divine space. You don't have to search for your creative self. You just have to give it permission to come out and play. I am so grateful I know this. I am even more grateful I recognize it as a gift.
This week, my creativity came in the form of painting a kitchen wall, writing, cooking.... I haven't painted any pictures this week, but I am no longer concerned about that. It will come when I have done enough singing in the shower and dancing to the radio. It will come when it is entirely necessary for it to exist in this world. It will come when it comes, and not a second sooner.
I honestly couldn't tell you if it's true that the arts are a 'very human way of making life more bearable'. In my case, it's more of a divine way to make life more purposeful, but I will admit at times, it's been both. This week, the arts made my life more bearable. This week I really proved to myself that art is in everything and everyone AND everything and everyone is art... as if I didn't know that already. This week, I showed up for it like I would show up for an appointment with a therapist and I relied on it like an accountability partner when i didn't feel like showing up for anything at all. I truly believe we are all artists. Some would argue it's easy for me to make a statement like that considering i can paint pictures and make aesthetically pleasing things with my hands.... but here are some artforms i don't do (yet) which have moved me to tears more times than my own creativity... songwriting, dancing, raising children, taking care of a friend with special needs, helping out at the nursing home, building a house for a family in need.... it's art. All of it. Because art is something which stirs our soul And those things stir mine. So how do you like them apples? :)
No comments:
Post a Comment